Twitter usage compared to DJIA

I must admit that while the coincidence is interesting, there is little evidence to suggest whether the causing event is Twitter or the economic slump. Did Twitter usage cause a huge slump in productivity, leading to economic collapse? Or did all the attendant layoffs leave a large number of people to sit at home Tweeting instead of doing something productive like, say, starting a business that meets a compelling market need?

Perhaps extending these two cases to the future provides some insight. If Twitter is the cause, then its increasing popularity is a harbinger of the End of Days, economically. If this is true, then verily we will ride this slippery slope to a future already predicted in Mike Judge’s film Idiocracy, reduced to mouth-breathing troglodytes incapable of any expression greater than 140 characters.

If, however, the economic crisis is to blame for Twitter’s popularity, then what happens when all those unemployed tweeters get back to work? Will they forget Twitter as the social media fad du jour? Will 140 characters be too much of a time investment for those involved in the frenetic work-a-day world? Maybe. The busy types will have to find some other social media wave to surf.

For them, I suggest Grunter.

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Check out TWItoShirt. This is a clever site where you can order a t-shirt with your favorite tweet on it! Yes, you can memorialize the bullsh*t tweets that are completely ridiculous and wear them around like a moron!!

Most popular? Obama’s tweet “Yes We Can…blah, blah, blah”. News flash. Election is over. Obama doesn’t really tweet. It’s his spin doctors. Glad it helped him win an election but not sure tweeting really mattered. Certainly doesn’t matter now. But you can buy a t-shirt if it makes you feel better.

However, there are some very funny tweets on this site…and I just may have to order me a shirt. And some very stupid ones as well. Let’s pick some candidates for Terrible Tweets of the Day:

“my wife just shut the light off in the room I’m working in. I’ve officially become furniture”. Get a life. Your wife turned the light off on you because you are a moron that tweets all day and doesn’t pay any attention to her. Tweet that.

“eyes burning with the fire of a thousand suns”. Very inspiring. I’ve got to follow that guy. What does this mean? Should I call an ambulance? Or should I quit my job? I’m so confused.

“Got a call at 6AM from school saying no school!!!!! WooT!!” Who did this guy talk to before he had twitter? And what’s he going to do with the rest of his day now that he won’t be working on his education? Oh, of course. Tweeting. “I just took a poop!!!! WooT”

Another deep thought that apparently was worth memorializing in a t-shirt: “Sometimes when I finish an article, I dream into space and wonder how much my this would have amazed me when I was a child.” First, it’s a grammatical piece of crap (I wonder how much my this). Second, who cares. Third, what article is it if it was so great you were dreaming into space. Lastly, what made you think it was so great it was worth wearing around on a t-shirt?

One of my favoirtes: “zZzzzzzzZzz”. It memorializes how I feel about twitter.

There are some pretty funny X-rated t-shirts as well. I’ll leave it to you to find them.

And there is one very exciting t-shirt option coming soon. You can soon get your actual followers as a mosaic on a t-shirt! Can hardly wait for that one!!

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Old Man Stewart Shakes His Fist at Twitter. Good for Jon. Some pretty hilarious cuts about congressional folk tweeting while watching the prez last week as well as their take on the new social media outlet: Grunt. We’re grateful they are only kidding…but it may not be far behind.

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Anyway, we picked something up from Wonkette that was fall-out-of-your-chair funny. Seems Rick decided to document his knee surgery and got all wonky about his hot nurse, talks about what it feels like to be in hospital clothes (riveting!), and talks about shaving his knee. Check out the hilarious comments at Wonkette. 

By the way, in case you’re wondering, Rick has over 1700 updates and just 4 minutes ago updated his 58k followers that he’s going to watch a skinhead special on the Discovery Channel.

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It is not like the Twitter Masters need to look very hard to find an idea for generating revenue. Doing a Google search on “Twitter Revenue” will not only provide the folks at Twitter a laundry list of people giving advice, but the act of searching should also itself set off a few bells in their thick skulls. Google has certainly cashed in on shorter strings than the 140 characters the micro-bloggers are putting on Twitter. 

These guys have amassed enough data to create a market for mining the data of the mind as Twitter is a leader in capturing the thoughts and actions of many.  This could lead to ad targeting that would make even Google jealous.  That being said, Twitter’s fate is completely reliant on the web user staying interested, and heavy weights like Facebook not making simple tweaks to their ‘Status Updates’.   This is their Achilles heel that will eventually take them the way of the Dodo, and make the decision to ‘create a compelling service’ seem silly. 

The one certainty for Twitter is that they are getting their 15 minutes of fame.  Time will tell whether or not they get the illusive 16th minute.  Either way, their waiting game is a foolish play since that 16th minute is in the hands or better yet the attention span of the tweeting public.

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Ahhh…this headline was made in heaven for TwitterBashers like myself. I got an anonymous tip on this great new article from the CNET UK folks where Rory Reid so clearly articulates what annoys us all about Twitter. This is a must read.

One point he makes that has certainly resonated with me in the past few weeks is the stalker phenomenon. I started following a few marketing ‘gurus’ just to keep up with the cool kids and suddenly there were a slew of folks following me…most of whom I have no idea who they are.

One clown followed me and I followed him back just to lurk after him for a few days and see what he was up to. He cleverly responded to my follow with a direct message of  ‘Thx for following - now DM me a business question and see if  I can help you’. Yeah, this is exactly how I want to be courted by a consultant. Anyone game for having some fun with this tool?

Another key point from Rory’s article is his closing argument: Twitter (or some variation thereof) will have some place of value in the future. The problem is a lack of Tweetiquette (wow, new word! Let’s tweet about it!) that is ruining it for the rest of us. Marketing spam. Tabloid gossip. Stalkers. Worthless personal tweets. Please, spare me.

Do yourself a favor and read this article.

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Today, they decided to defend themselves. Interesting read and you should check it out:

Why We Often Write About Twitter And Will Continue To Do So

The funny thing is in the comments. Flaming comments on both end of the Twitter spectrum. I think I’m beginning to understand why I’m part of a Twitter-Bashing movement. It’s not because I don’t see some value in Twitter…I definitely do. It’s more because of the people who abuse it with annoying tweets coupled with the staunch defensiveness that Twitter Nation insists that it is the most brilliant advancement in technology since the Apple IIe.

Anyway, check the comments out on their post. One of my favorites is from mikeb:

“Twitter is simply an AOL chatroom from 1997 that uses text messages. Being able to share a link to a group of friends, or strangers, or have a remote online meeting is nothing new. In 2001, we had 80 person dev meetings via Yahoo IM.

Just like chatrooms, the vast majority of traffic is crap. Now it is just crap via Blackberries and a lot more people happen to be online these days.

It only gets hyped for the reasons you mentioned (i.e. Evan Williams, etc ), IMHO.”

I can only hope that something else “hot” comes around soon so bloggers at TechCrunch and other media start focusing on something else!!

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In seriousness, I have a tough time bashing this one because they really are trying to do something for a good cause. They are raising money for charity:water. At the time of this post (840pm on Feb 12, the day of the Twestival), they have raised over $13,000. Hats off to Twestival for doing something good. 

However, as a guy who makes a living consulting to nonprofit groups I must admit that this is a pathetic showing. It will get all sorts of press (in fact, I saw a blog posting on it the other day and a friend told me about it today because they heard about it on the radio), which is nice for the charity. Hopefully, there will be a lift in additional gifts. But $13k? For 175+ cities?  Let me check my math…that’s about $75 per Twestival. Come on, Twitter Nation…can’t you do better than that?

Because I feel guilty about posting on Twestivals tonight, I’ll do my part and throw my $5 at charity:water - that’s the suggested amount on the twestival site. But now I’m beginning to wonder…maybe this is a brilliant move to get a bunch of followers that they can tweet their way into guilting for additional donations later?? 

I’m sure my non-profit consulting brethren will tout the rousing success of Twestivals and point to the inevitable rise of fundraising on Twitter. In my heart, I’m hopeful. But it is exactly the noise around commercial messaging, fundraising solicitation, and ‘who cares’ tweets about useless personal conversation that may very well be the downfall of Twitter.

I’m getting way too philosophical. Let’s get back to bashing Twitter. 

The funniest thing about Twestival day is the completely ridiculous location of one of the Twestivals. Get this - SecondLife. Let’s think about that for a minute. Twitter evangelists going WAY out of their way to log on to SecondLife and participate in a Twestival. Are you kidding me? 

OK, I admit. I don’t think much of SecondLife (surprise!). I couldn’t graduate past the orientation you go through in guiding your avatar through the test streets to even be granted access to the actual community. I’m so ashamed as a failure. Hey, I may not be able to get into SecondLife but I bet I could kick any kid’s ass at Pac Man. 

I digress. Twestival at SecondLife? Just let that sink in a little bit and tell me it isn’t some sign of the apocalypse. 

Enough for tonight. Good luck to Twestival and charity: water. It will provide fodder for Twitter nation and that much more fodder for us TwitterBashers.

Don’t forget to submit your Terrible Tweets of the Day!

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Check out the article HERE

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